Well, happy to say I’m doing better than I was in the past. Life is a constant flux of change. I know good changes will come, or, at least I have faith they will. I’m doing better with how I approach life. I’m damn near done with drinking beer for good. I love the tv show, Breaking Bad, because it revolves around a series of compromises. I’ll make meth so that when I die, I can leave enough money for my family to live a contented life. I beat the cancer, but I’ll keep making meth because business is good, and turns out I make some pretty good meth. I’m the best fucking meth dealer around and I cannot and will not stop! Sound familiar? That was basically the downward spiral of WALTER WHITE AKA HEISENBERG.
That’s not far off from the mindset of an alcoholic/addict. I mention the addict part, for a reason. People can be “addicted” to just about anything. And it doesn’t have to be a mind altering chemical substance. There are shopoholics, gamblers, food addicts, porn addicts. An addiction is something we cannot forgo- its like an itch we must scratch, or we think we’ll go insane.
Turns out, I don’t have to scratch the itch. Yes the itch will ALWAYS be there. Sometimes it’ll itch like the dickens, but I WILL NOT scratch.
I’ve mentioned INFINITE JEST by David Foster Wallace. Again, his theory in the book, and I believe in life, was that life sucked. That life was and will always be a sick joke, even sober. Now, that’s a major bummer outlook. I’ve wandered those fields and they are all dead. Not a happy place to be mentally. While I’m not hyped up about living, I’m also not on fire for death. I’m kind of like, meh. Whatever. Leaning towards wanting to live a contented life. So that’s a plus.
In the past few years I’ve known four dudes I thought were true friends. Now, one of those dudes is still a friend. Present tense, I’m down to one friend. One friend that lives twelve miles down the road, who I see in reality. That’s kind of sad in a way. In yet another way, though, it’s amazing, to still be friends with one of those dudes. This dude I speak of I’ve also known for the longest. Kinda crazy how that worked out. He’s neither religious nor an atheist. I dunno about agnostic, but I’d say as far as categories go, he’s not going to say one way or the other about, “for sure a higher omnipotent being exists”. Which I like. It’s as ambiguous to him as it is to me. You’re really going to laugh about the other two dudes. One was too extreme in his religious believes, the other was too pessimistic and bitter about “God” and claimed nope, no “God” (I always get a laugh out of this one, because if there were 100 percent no God, gods, or goddesses, the word God or similar words wouldn’t even exist- there would be no, “there is no”).
So maybe a GOD or gods or goddesses exist. Or a Devil or devils or, devilesses? Not sure what a female devil is called. Or are women just not devils at all? Poor women, I feel like they get a bad wrap about being witches or demons. So, let’s just say maybe, maybe not. Ultimately it doesn’t matter that much. What matters most to me is to be productive. To not intentionally offend anyone, as I move forward in time. I hope to make an impact with my writing, if I haven’t already. Maybe continue to make some kind of entertainment for people to consume. Definitely continue to write. I really don’t know much else. Be kind to everyone. And stay busy with my craft work.
Also, fuck judgement. At least for myself, I will make a conscious effort to NEVER judge another being. This is tough, because I think I really hate flies. Flies are flies, deal with it- why would I hate a living thing? Yes, flies annoy me at times, but then I go inside where there are no flies. Unless one gets in. I always feel guilty when I kill a fly with the fly swatter. Then in my head, I sing the Circle of Life intro.
Well, that’s about it. That one dude, that still wants to be friends with me, he’s going to cruise over tomorrow to hang for a bit. I’m looking forward to that. I might need to rewatch Avatar: The Last Airbender. Otherwise, I go now to relax. Maybe some fiction writing, maybe not. I’ve written a couple creative non-fiction pieces today, so overall I’m winning as a writer, in my own little world.