I’ve mentioned that I struggle with depression, even sober. I feel at a loss for words. My one rescue dog Bonez has not been eating much of his food the past several days. This makes me sad. I’ve got enough in my life that is tough enough, and now I’ve got to figure out how to get my boy some medical help.

We’ve been on this Valley Fever treatment for about five months now. He’s not hacking or coughing right now, but he’s just not eating much. He’ll nosh on his food, stare at it, and then lay down on the floor. He might nibble a few more pieces, but after thirty minutes with half the bowl still left, I know that’s as much as he’s going to eat.

The only course of action is to accept the tragic nature of existing. That entropy is real, disease, infection, other ailments- will always find a way to cripple and destroy us. It’s a bleak reality. It offers no hope or salvation. That, life sucks basically. Death is always happening. Why wouldn’t it? As soon as we’re born, we’re dying. Slowly moving ourselves towards our inevitable death.

The coffee machine no longer stops the flow of drizzling coffee onto the hot surface below. It’s chaos, is what it is. The machine is weak, designed to fail. Its ultimate goal is to stop working properly. It’s a fucking machine, so even machines have a shelf life.

We are unimportant. We do not matter, regardless the fiction we make up to believe we do matter. Again, emotional detachment from everything. Everything passes and fades away with time. Other shit fills the void. Then that shit goes away only to be replaced by newer shit. And the circle of life my friends.

This isn’t to say, stop enjoying the moments of grandeur and splendor. Cool shit does happen. Keep in mind it is a fleeting thing. That was cool, and move on. Back to the abyss. See some spark of light in the dark? Cool. Back to the darkness, the void.

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