I find some days I won’t write. I have much to say, although, some days I’m not sure what to say. What do I say, today? The question can take me down rabbit holes that seemingly never lead anywhere. Tangents that get so beaten and off path that, they make no sense.
I think it’s of the utmost importance to have some meaning in whatever it is that I end up saying. Not to say it cannot be a rant, or in itself some sort of wild notion I wish to speak upon. But often, I want to be coherent- detailed, oriented in some focus that expels my observations in such creative thoughts, the ones you see before you on this website.
I’ve fallen behind on my movie watching. I’m only watching The Simpsons. Is this healthy? Well, I’m not sure either way, but I do know I enjoy watching The Simpsons. I will take the dive back into the waters of new cinematic stories others are watching and talking about. Someone once told me, that, reading a book or watching a movie is my ticket for admission, into the conversation of what others who read or saw said story, have to say about said story. I couldn’t agree more with that. I want to earn my ticket. Make comments so I sound like I know something, based on reading or watching said stories.
What else, what else. Hmm. I’ve got love on Twitter. The thing is, what I realize is, that, I want so so so many fans to adore me. Well, I did want that. Unrealistic expectations will drive anyone insane. Not a good way to be in this world.
What I did notice was, there are definitely those of you who check in on me. I don’t know how many people see my tweets, but I do know a couple handfuls of people interact with me on a regular basis. Might see another couple handfuls occasionally drop in with a comment.
This is great! This, what I have- is more than I could’ve ever dreamed of. I went from having zero friends when I wasn’t on social media, to meeting some cool people who have similar interests in stuff I enjoy. Lost some connections, made some connections…Lost some more connections. Best I stop purposely losing connections with my insane antics.
Yes I’ve been desperate, needy, clingy, altogether a big mass of calamity, fraught with wild emotional turmoil. Will I go back to these ways? I fucking hope not. I have a LOT of energy. I have to drain my energy levels by staying busy. By reading, writing, social media-ing, and other fun stuff. I will be getting a day job again. Sucks, but I think I might have to do it. Long story, but I shouldn’t have to work. Now I do have to work? What the fuck? Oh well, fuck it. Is what it is. Can’t fight what is. Damn you change. Damn you.
With a job a sense of purpose and renewed confidence, hi self esteem. Yada yada yada. I’m an artist. But I guess even as an artist I have to work for the man. At least for the time being. It could be worse. An old friend I used to know would always say that. I used to get pissed off by that comment. But now, I see he was trying to help. Trying to bring some peace of mind to my mind. Damn hindsight- that friend is also a thing of the past, a memory. Too bad. He was one cool dude.
I think I’ve done enough speaking. I guess this was kind of an update and commentary on stuff type of essay. I have to think more about what I want to say. Try to bust out a few more of these today.