I’ve got some physical ailments that slow me down while living life, on a day to day basis. Basically, from what I know as of now, I’ve got degenerative discs in the center of my spine, and a narrow/thin spine part in the middle of my back.

Although, I think sadly that it’s more damaged than the doctors are aware of. The numb feeling in my joints, ligaments, muscle striations, are gone, from my left trapezius muscle, to my shoulder, to my shoulder blade (and surrounding parts). This is why I try to explain what’s what, so to show you that I’m in constant physical pain.

I don’t say much about the pain often. I’ve yapped my head off and have gotten no help as of yet. So I figured, fuck it, why bother complaining- no one is doing shit about it, anyway.

Ankylosing Spondylitis might be the culprit. Mick Mars has it, from Motley Crue. It does feel like someone poured cement on my neck, shoulder, shoulder blade, and right side of my spine. Fucking, hurts dudes. Really not a fun experience for the past several years.

Maybe pinched nerves? Maybe nerve damage. I need to find out what the hell is going on and see about some kind of remedy.

I’ve surprised myself by how well I’ve stayed in emotional control, controlling my emotional urges to spout off.

I kept it 100 yesterday on Twitter. I really did feel like I might die. Rainy, humid day. Which I think, might make the pain worse- I’ve heard inclement weather can do that, or so I’ve heard. Bottom line, I didn’t fuck around. Because I’m tired of finding out, when I fuck around. Don’t wanna find out no more. Done fucking around. It was a hoot, fucking around, from time to time- but I’ve grown, and matured past the fucking around stage in my life. There’s this demon inside, that I now keep in a black box. Sound proof, indestructible, and ready to hold that fucker inside. I can hear and see the box shake and rattle, tumble around, scatter itself from place to place upon the floor. Eventually though, the box stops moving, and I can relax when it does.

Been struggling with my mental health as well. For more reasons than the physical pain, although the physical pain doesn’t make matters any better. I won’t dive into why I’m struggling with mental health, it’s just not kosher of me to do that. I will say forgiving, and letting go of negative feelings is the best solution. John Cena said that, the longer we hold onto the negative burdens, the heavier it becomes. Let it go, let it go! From that one movie, with those princesses. Frozen! That’s the one. Let it go.

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