Just. Do. It. Do. Be.

If I’m a writer, I will be a writer. What is a writer? A writer is someone who writes. A storyteller is someone who tells stories. I once read C.S. Lewis say, that there’s some form of truth, to everything. Maybe one person see the sky as orange, not blue. Clouds are green and purple, not white and grey. Who’s to say this person is absolutely wrong? Maybe there’s really only a fractional amount of blue in the sky. Who knows.

I want to say I do go to doom and gloom. I get very pessimistic, even crazy, at times. I give in to the dark side of the force.

Here’s the thing. It’s a story. It’s a narrative that isn’t actually happening. I’m not a slave, I’m not a prisoner. I’m me, Philip! I’m lots of things. I’m a dynamic onion with layers and many colors. Sometimes I sound like I practice the dark arts. Sometimes I sound like Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. Maybe like Elrond, or Bilbo, or even that nasty Gollum.

Did you know the word Gollum is a yiddish word? It’s true. If you don’t know what it originally meant, you might want to look it up. Go ahead. I’ll be here.

Right? Freaky, isn’t it? You can perhaps see why J.R.R. Tolkien named him Gollum.

Here’s the truth. My family loves me, the best they know how to love me. For that I’m grateful. Sometimes love is more distant and removed as it once used to be. Things are in a constant state of change, says the universe. Things can and do change, it’s an inevitable truth in life here on Earth. Sometimes, the changes with people I love bother me. Maybe I become consumed by frustration and anger because I want more. This is why I say I’ve certainly got enough, in fact I’m a fortunate person in life. Things change. It’s on me to be content with the changes that occur, even on a day to day basis.

Sometimes I let change bother me so much that I lose sight of logical, rational, reasonable, ideas. That’s when I go all, doom and gloom.

I’m not here to lead people. I’m here to write. I hope that people get something from it.

Who I am outside of writing, is I’m someone who reads stories. I also enjoy playing Mortal Kombat Mobile. I spend time with my dogs. I hang out with my roommate, my family, and a few friends. Sometimes, I spend time with others outside of my roommate.

That’s all there is to know. I write often. I read often. I relax. That’s really it. I’m inside my house, or out on the back porch. I don’t go out to bars, or restaurants. Well, once in a while I go out to food places with family. Usually I don’t do that with friends, haven’t for some time now. Otherwise, I go to various gas stations, and sometimes Walmart, when I need food for myself and the dogs.

Pretty boring, right? I’m good with boring. When I get fired up I’m going to let you know it’s a fictional narrative. I write characters that are agents of chaos, and they appear very real. At least that’s the goal, haha, whether the reader feels it’s worthwhile, is more so what matters. Even if it was utter shit, hey- I’ll be able to do something different.

I mentioned I want to write relationship stories. Regular people, with jobs, or without a job, experiencing life. That life can sure suck, at times. People can suck major ass at times. Even so, we make it through. We come out unscathed. Maybe there was emotional turmoil, and feelings were hurt, but in the end, we keep on living. Maybe there’s a point to continue living. Maybe it’s to just keep going. Keep going for what, I don’t know, sometimes.

It doesn’t have to make sense, for me. Until it bothers me that it doesn’t make sense, laughing my ass off. Then, I go berserk, with the words and ideas and such.

I’ve written a decent amount for today.

Any more words written will be for the project Walt and I are working on.

Baltimore Leaf