On a Saturday in 2007, Coach Theo asked me to step aside with him. Coach Theo told me I didn’t make the varsity team. I was a senior, so, that was my last chance to play on the varsity team.

I never even played on the junior varsity squad. My freshman year, I was a stud left-handed pitcher. I was six foot six, and I know I scared the shit out of most every batter that stood in the batter’s box. By the time the freshman team was celebrating our season, I felt I was on my way to being a professional pitcher, that some day I would pitch for a major league team.

I had surgery. Never recovered. I went from throwing a mid seventies fastball, to throwing a mid sixties fastball.

I gave up on baseball when I knew for sure I wasn’t going to be able to continue playing baseball at the college level.

So I got into weightlifting. I really found a passion for lifting weights, and sculpting my body, after I got cut from the baseball team. I became good friends with a guy named Nick Miller (no shit- this was before the show, too).

I moved to Omaha, Nebraska, to live with my mom, step-dad and two sisters. I worked at a gym, and had a free gym membership. I worked out, I studied, and I played Call of Duty or watched Family Guy. I didn’t have any friends in Omaha until I joined the Pikes at Creighton University. Yes, I attended Creighton as an undergrad for a year. Creighton isn’t a school that just anyone can get into, if you were aware of schools, you probably already know this trivial fact.

I did steroids, while I was going to school at Creighton. I looked, well- I had finally become the greek god I wanted to look like. Another fact about steroids- they don’t do jack shit for you, unless you’re working out at least two hours each day (or more). Steroids are performance enhancers, yes? Well, they enhanced the amount of weight I could lift, and they also gave me insane endurance. I could rep more, I could lift more- bigger, stronger, faster.

As far as I know, I can’t think of any long term side effects. I don’t have back acne, never did. My testicles remained the same size as before I used steroids. Of course, I dabbled with steroids. I wasn’t on-off, on-off. I was on, then off for a long time, then on again, just to taste that feeling of godliness again.

So, I never abused steroids, is what I’m saying. All things in moderation, folks.

I don’t know what happened to my body, but basically I had to give up weightlifting as well. That happened back in 2017. I remember doing too much weight on lat pull downs, something got fucked up, and ever since that moment, I was in severe pain after lifting. There is a difference between being sore, and having serious injuries that debilitate the individual from enjoying what they once used to.

It’s almost like the universe wanted me here, all along. That I was to ultimately realize that my purpose is to write. Be it popular or irrelevant, I must write.

Hell, I don’t even know why. I guess because when I write, I feel a similar sense of joy, as I once did when I was pitching, or when I was pumping iron. It’s an eternal force, something that you can stick with forever, and it will never grow old. I will never tire from writing, because it gives me a feeling of happiness within.

There’s so much more to my story. I’ve lied about some stuff, or have omitted some important details regarding my history. In time I’ll come clean, and explain why I’ve lied about certain things, and why I’ve omitted details.

Because, I need to show you why I lied. I need to show you why, for that time, I didn’t reveal certain things.

No pedophile shit, thankfully. Some violent tendencies gone awry, more or less. Given a perfect storm, there will be turmoil. Or, rather, there was some intense shit I did, one time. Thankfully, I can and will confirm that no one was physically harmed. I probably became a scary person to many, because of what I did- but again, and thank GOD, no one was harmed.

I think that’s enough for now.

Philip Webb