I’m done rationalizing bull shit. To rationalize bull shit ideas would make me a shit talker. Fuck that noise.
The past four days, since Sunday, I’ve had a few hours each day spent on drinking beer.
The thing is, I’m better than alcohol. Yet, it’s really tough, because, I like the way alcohol makes me feel. I’d say I’ve been in control, but that’s not really true. The fuck it attitude I can take at times doesn’t help me. That’s how I’ll drink sixteen or more beers, and still seem functional.
I’ve not had more than eight twelve ounce beer beverages in any of the past four days. Today, I’m going to do my best. I’m going to know instead of believing, know that alcohol isn’t necessary.
I have to rewire my brain. It’s time to live as sober as I can be. Because, I’m convinced, I’m a better version of myself without alcohol. I’ve tried many times to be me, drunken me, and it always ends in shit. That’s why, I figure, I should really consider not drinking as much. One of these days, I hope to not consume alcohol at all. Not even one twelve ounce can of beer.
I really do love ice cold water. I also love unsweetened tea.
Coffee, yes, but my friend Mark Tullius mentioned, “all things in moderation”. Not his exact words, but- too much coffee isn’t healthy. Logic tells me, to be kind to my body and brain. Because going hard with drinking coffee or smoking cannabis, isn’t the look I want either. I’m not Wiz Khalifa, nor am I Logic, or Eminem. I’m not Kendrick Lamar, or Joyner Lucas. I’m Philip Webb, or, Dietrich Dash, when I write articles supporting cannabis as medicine, for some types of folks. I’m a certain type of folk, cannabis has saved my life many times, therefore- other folks who might be of a similar type of folk to my folk, might also benefit a great amount from using cannabis. There’s CBD and THC. Indicas and Sativas. There are hybrid strains. Not all cannabis has the same effect, which I find fascinating.
As Philip Webb, I’m someone who is working on himself. I’m not shut down for maintenance, but I am in the laboratory. I am at the drawing board, so to speak. I will find a method, a worldview, that keeps me balanced. I will stand against oppression, I will stand with those who’ve been given an unfair disadvantage, based on how society deems us worthy or not. I believe we all have the potential within to be someone, someone who brings good vibes into the world. We help each other, and, even if I’m helping without help, I’m good with that. Gandhi said, “become the change you wish to see in others”. That’s, amazing. I love that idea. Diversity in oneness. We can look different, sound different, deliver our energy in different ways. With this, we can also unify. We can work towards celebrating everyone’s achievements, even if it was that person cleaning up the house. Or getting the kids to school on time.
I think it might seem strange, to uplift others. I don’t worry too much about that, now. Some people, might have some paranoia surrounding compliments from a stranger. Which, isn’t unwarranted. However, things, us humans- we are complicated, complex beings with a human mind. My advice to myself is, don’t over think too much. I keep bashing that mantra into my head, eventually the bastard concept will find a secure unison with my brain. I mean, I need that in my life. I need to NOT think so much. Use it to my advantage, by writing words.
I’ve got this short story I’m writing. It’s been a minute or two since I’ve written fiction. It’s tough to get back into, but not impossible. Again, I must force myself to do it. If I don’t, it won’t happen. And that’s not okay for me. I love fiction writing, therefore- gotta make it happen. Gotta do it.
That’s it. I’ll catch you all later.