Instead, be like, The Sphynx (google says this is how this word is spelled, although it looks wrong-eh, I tried). You know, down in Egypt land.

Wedding Day Massacre by Aron Beauregard has a fictional character named Jinx. What a sick, twisted fictional character that person was. Anyway, read that book if you like Splatterpunk, otherwise kinda known as, extreme horror. Yes, it is extreme. Don’t challenge how extreme it is, unless you’re down with that clown. I mean as a reader. Trust me, Aron writes some of the most disturbed fiction stories I’ve ever read in my entire life of reading, and I’ve been reading books for thirty years now.

Okay, so here’s the point of this post.

I used to bank on probability. The more probable I felt my successes would be, the more I banked on dedicating time to whatever craft it was I felt I would dominate in.

So far this type of thinking has not served me well. It’s lead to arrogance, failure, misery, and solitude. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my alone time, but this is some Edmund Dantes shit, going on like five years now. Okay, not that bad of course. Still, I rarely get outside my house. Which, isn’t healthy, I know this much. I guess I cooped myself up because I thought I was awesome enough that I didn’t need to be a part of any community. I’d be a one man team, so to speak.

Here’s the thing. Even Navy SEALS don’t go on solo missions (that I’m aware of at least). Those solo mission individuals, splinter assassins. One man job kinda gig. But, that’s like an aircraft that cannot be detected by radar, kind of. Anyway, I’m not a splinter assassin. I’m not a Navy SEAL either. I’m basically someone who went off the beaten path for a long time.

I begin to see life as a life of possibilities. Which is sort of like saying, maybe yes, maybe no. I’ve mentioned how much I love the word maybe. “Maybe it will happen”, is such a better way of living life than saying, “for sure, that’s gotta happen”. Probability seems too much like expecting shit to happen, to me, at this point. The possibility of anything happening seems to be such an optimistic approach, compared to expecting things to happen.

Because, here’s another cliche catch phrase that I think rings true- “nothing in this life is guaranteed”. Which means, to me, don’t count on it happening. Robert De Niro spoke on this concept, in regards to casting calls for roles he was auditioning for. He mentioned that he began to not have high hopes for getting any part. In fact, he just steady kept going to auditions. He told the reporter that if you don’t expect to get the part, maybe the actor auditioning can then be more free to act in just the right way.

It’s like the idea of, “don’t try so hard”. My dad used to say this to me all the time when I was girl crazy, or women crazy. I wanted to make a relationship work so bad, had all these expectations of what I wanted. That was foolish of me. I was trying way too hard. The best relationships I’ve had, I wasn’t really trying at all. They just sort of manifested in an organic way, between me and the woman I was romantic with.

Don’t try at all. Like I said in my last post, let it rip. Nike tells us, to, “Just Do It”. Even fucking Yoda says, there is no try- do or do not, try doesn’t exist.

If one gig doesn’t work out, it’s possible the perfect gig will arise sometime there after.

I focus on the possibilities. There’s no attachment to the realm of the possible. I love that.

Philip Webb