Chaos Theory/The Suck

Welcome to life, please enjoy your stay.

Huh. On occasion I do. Enjoying life is a choice, it’s a state of mind. The state of my mind, is controlled by, me. Who am I? I am, that’s who. I choose how I see the world. It’s my choice, how I think and feel about other people.

Chaos theory is mentioned in the book, Jurassic Park. Basically, imagine aiming a cannonball at a palm tree on an island. Perfect alignment, that cannonball will for sure strike that palm tree. There’s no chance it won’t hit the palm tree. Cannonball is fired from cannon…And as it travels to its intended mark, a gust of wind moves the cannonballs path of trajectory just enough, that the cannonball ends up completely missing the palm tree. The cannonball did not end up hitting its mark. That gust of wind, that came from nowhere, was unpredictable, no one could have guessed the gust of wind would show up. But it did, and it absolutely was the reason the cannonball missed the target. That’s chaos theory in a nutshell. The gust of wind is the chaos that disrupts the purpose of the cannonball, the gust of wind is the unforeseen reason the cannonball failed to do what it was meant to do.

That’s life. Nothing is guaranteed. Chaos theory.

I don’t know how many thousands of times I’v used my hand to hold a cup of water in order to have a drink of water. It’s so simple, surely nothing can go wrong. False. Sometimes, chaos theory happens, and the glass hits the corner of the cabinet, I lose my hold on the cup, water spills everywhere, and now I have a fun mess I get to clean up, all because I wanted to stay hydrated.

Welcome to the suck. I will give my sister credit, that’s her catchphrase she loves to say when I start to bitch and moan about life being unfair. Wah wah, get over it ya big baby. Welcome to the suck. Best get used to it, accept it for what it is, and move on about my merry way.

If I let chaos theory ruin my day, I’ll be fucked forever in this life.

If, though, I don’t let chaos theory bother me in the slightest, I can keep my marbles about me. I hate, so regret when my marbles spill all over the place, causing mayhem. The marbles don’t need to spill, for the most part. In fact so long as I keep my marbles close, and remember that chaos theory will happen no matter what, and to not be affected by it, my marbles won’t scatter all over, they won’t fuck shit up for me and everyone else. It might be a more epic battle for me to do this, what with the brain damage and personality disorder, but so what. I’m designed to handle the heat. I might not have all the parts you have, but so what. It is possible to keep my marbles together. It is. I can bank on peace of mind by not going on Twitter. That’s something that is for certain, chaos theory won’t be able to do its thing on social media if I’m not on social media. However, if you’re on social media, it’s just one more place chaos theory exists. So, be aware of that. Chaos theory is everywhere. The less places I am, or go to, the less chaos theory can fuck with me, at least in a social context. For the time being I’m going to remove myself from social arenas. I realize that’s kind of in the gray zone. Seeing as how technically each one of these posts I publish is a tweet on my twitter page. However, I will not check to see if anyone liked it, or said something about the post. I’m allowing chaos theory the opportunity to fuck with me.

Of course chaos theory can and just might fuck with me while I drive around. Chaos theory is in my house, waiting to strike. Chaos theory is in the grocery store and the gas station. In the movie theater and the bank.

Chaos theory is inevitable, so be it. I’ll let it happen and continue to live in the here and now. The disruption was noticed, felt that- moving on. On to the next item to cross off today. Stay busy. Focus on the work. Fuck chaos theory, and yet- so what, chaos theory. So what. Do what you gotta do. I’ll do what I need to do in order to achieve a sense of personal success. And keep going. I will continue to write until I’m dead.

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