Through me I can learn to become self reliant. To take care of myself.

Patience as well. I cannot demand, nor am I a conjurer who can manifest.

I’ve always been a fan of Mike Judge’s work. There’s something simple and basic about the love, the connections. Simple yet profound. Sometimes you don’t need a flowery line of dialogue to wow the audience. There are many ways to go about entertainment. Avenues such as film, tv shows, books, magazines, editorials- and more ways that I cannot think of.

Defy the genre. Write what you want to write. That’s what I’m doing these days. It’s freeing. I don’t feel like a monkey in a suit anymore. I feel like I can make what I imagine come to life on the screen, on the page, on the stage. I love it. It’s basic, it’s just a story- yet, a story is everything to me.

We’re not alone. Call it the force, the universe, life energy. We can choose our attitude. I sometimes choose to be negative. I realize the same after it’s all said and done, and, I don’t like the negativity. So I continue to work on being aware before I spew toxicity from my fingers onto the page. I make mental reminders to stop, turn around, and find those avenues of positive energy.

It’s because I’ll be better equipped for success. I’m going to do this. I won’t give up on myself. At times I really want to give up on me. I feel ashamed, worthless, unseen. In my opinion this is some dark energy trying to rip my life force from my vessel (the body). Maybe it’s all how I treat me. When I’m kind to myself, some really appreciate it. Because I’m a radar buzzing, we’re all buzzing. What kind of buzz does my radar produce? I want exotic unheard of electric energy, enhances our life force. Because, I give a fuck about it. Regardless of what others think. I don’t fucking care what others think. So long as I continue to bounce back, one of these days I’ll rarely have a bad mood “episode”. I can learn to harness and channel the darkness within to become fictional entertainment. The kind that makes people feel it’s real. There is a message. Reminders. Stuff to consider in our journey through this life. Because it matters to me. People, do matter to me. I want to put people in a box sometimes. No good. Boxes are for objects, not beings. You nor I can contain a being in a box. If we do, it will cause pain beyond the likes of which we should ever have to experience.

I’m learning. I’m not taking as many steps back. It may seem like clockwork, but I am not a machine. From that book by Anthony Burgess, I am organic. I’m as a fruit is. In that I will ripen, be sweet and juicy when the time comes. None of us can manifest a fruit to become prime time fruit before it’s going to naturally happen. There’s a process, there is progress, there is no clockwork timeframe for humans to be this or that. Only society does that, institution. Although who am I to give a fuck about that. Be it as it may I will not buy into the bullshit. Opinions are like assholes, and we all have them.

Look out for my new novel, The Asshole Awareness Book, coming to a marketplace (Amazon) near you! Expected to drop in early September of 2023.

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