One of my all-time favorite tv shows remains to be the Seinfeld show. Or, just, Seinfeld. Even if you’re not a fan of Seinfeld you probably know what the show is about. It’s basic stuff, a show about nothing. Yet there’s always something going on in each episode of Seinfeld. It’s also a show about dysfunctional human beings in dysfunctional relationships.

I remind myself most of George Costanza, aka, Larry David. The fictional character George Costanza was created from who Larry David was and still is today. I’m a basket case, a neurotic mess. I can’t help myself.

Nevertheless…

I must accept certain concepts if I’m going to bust moves.

I must accept the possibility of being a nobody my entire life as being an actual reality. I have to accept that, in reality, I may never be a popular, well-known writer. I must also accept the fact that no one is to blame. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. Anything I fucked up, is on me. So I’ve only got myself to blame, if I wanna blame someone. Instead of placing blame, and shaming/guilting myself, I’ll promote myself to not be a dick. Or an asshole. Or an all around lunatic type of guy who spouts off the craziest shit in town. I prefer not to be those types of energy. It’s not easy, which seems kinda dumb to say, but, for me, it’s tough. And, with that in mind, I can better accept why I’m not getting much traffic. Is what it is for the time being.

Here’s another tricky one. I write because it makes me feel good. Why then would I struggle to write? Well, because, I actually do want it to make other people feel good too. Or, have people enjoy what I write. But, really, the main reason for why I write is because I enjoy it. What I mean is it’s tough to keep writing when no one seems to care about my writing. It’s tough to accept being a no one in the public eye. It makes me doubt myself, question why I even enjoy writing in the first place. This is why I struggle to write fiction. But, fuck that tricky shit. I’ll stick with writing.

I’m growing a thick, tough skin. Impenetrable skin. Sensitive skin will never make the cut. There’s always opportunities to come. The more I write the better I get. The more I read the better I get. I gotta keep getting better and better. When I’m in the right place at the right time, I’ll hopefully be ready. The reason to keep working is when it happens, I’m already ready to rock n roll. Out of the woodworks I come and I’m river dancing like a true master. Haha, or something like that.

There are many others who didn’t give up. It takes time for some. I really hope time catches on before I die, but, fuck…I’m learning to accept that I may die a poor nobody. The more I face it head on the better I can deal with it. The more I accept it the more I’m able to not let it bother me. I can’t let being a poor nobody stop me from creating. That’d be foolish of me, to stop because I’m not currently relevant. As one saying goes, I’ll keep throwing shit against the wall until it sticks. Once it sticks, I’ll know what works, for that time and place. Things are always changing. To be timeless means, I can adapt and change with the times. Whatever the industry demands, it’s no sweat. That’s what I believe in about myself. That I’m up to the challenge, or, rather, I keep working until I’m truly ready for the challenge. That I can triumph and bring success for everyone involved. The publishers, the editors, the marketers, the producers, the readers, the audience, all of ’em. That’s because team work really does make the dream work. Gotta be a team player. I used to be a great team player. I’ve gotta learn to be that amazing team player once again.

Philip Webb